A Deal with the Devil
by Duhastas the Dark
Summary: Edd is in a very favorable position to win over Nazz, but an unexpected obstacle blocks his way. Now he must turn to an old tormentor for help, but perhaps not all is as it seems...
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I'd like to note that I do NOT own Ed, Edd, n Eddy, or "Faust", by Goethe. If I did, I wouldn't be posting this here, am I right? Ha ha! *cricket*

... Right. On with the story. Characters are modeled after VampireMeerkat's designs of them in high school, found in her gallery:

Enjoy!

-X-X-X-X-X-X

Chapter 1:

Edd was a model student, as anyone would tell you with a roll of their eyes. It was irritating to them how smart he was, how responsible he was, yet how nice he was about the whole deal. He excelled at mathematics, at the sciences, at history… even in Literature class, he could always find an interesting fact to share with his class, some of which even looked up from their cell phones to listen.

He wasn't the most popular young man around. No, no, in a high school like Peach Creek High, smarts count for very little. And while he was far from unattractive (letting down his long black hair from under his ski hat had made him surprisingly successful with several young ladies, for one), his skinny, scholarly build was far from the muscular one that most women his age seemed to prefer. He didn't really mind, for the most part. Girls, he'd discovered, were a particularly powerful source of distraction from one's studies. Something that simply wouldn't do.

The only constants in his social life were his two best friends. Eddy had undergone an extreme growth spurt a year before, and was now actually taller than Ed. He was still the scamming, greedy man that he was before, but he went about it a little more intelligently now. Ed had hardly changed at all, aside from the fact that he needed glasses now. All those monster movies had finally caught up with him.

And there were, of course, the Kankers… They'd grown up too, in a manner of speaking. They were much less direct about their methods now. At least, he thought, Marie was. He hardly ever stayed around long enough to find out whether Lee or May had switched tactics. Instead of peppering him with lipstick marks like she did four years ago, Marie would hang near a corner and wait for him to come by, then yank him over and make out forcefully with him in full view of everybody, for example. That was a preferred method of hers. It happened less often nowadays, but whenever she crossed eyes with Edd, she'd grin lasciviously and wink at him, or make even more suggestive gestures at him, which had led to him avoiding her gaze whenever possible.

She'd probably changed the most out of her sisters. She'd let her hair grow out a little, turning it from a small mess on her head into a veritable mane falling to her mid-back, but still hiding her right eye from sight. It gave her a somewhat feral, dangerous look, one which her oversized brown jacket did nothing to mitigate. This was a cultivated appearance, he knew, designed to lure him in. Its success was debatable, since many people considered her to be rather pretty nowadays. Yet another reason to ignore her as best as he could.

A feat that was somewhat impossible, he'd recently discovered, when she sat right behind him in Literature class, propped up her feet on the head of his seat, nudging his upper back uncomfortably by it (and getting his father's old shirt dirty in the process, he was sure!), while she chewed her gum and stared intently at the back of his head. He stared straight ahead in this class and did his best to ignore the whispered suggestions that came from behind him, while at the same time take notes on the class. Unfortunately, Edd was never too good at multitasking, and oftentimes fell behind in this class.

Which, he supposed, was why the teacher had nominated him to be the protagonist at their rendition of Goethe's Faust for that season's play.

"W-wait a minute, please!" he cried, standing up with a somewhat panicked look on his face. The teacher looked back at him, having stopped writing down his name in his list. "I-I haven't agreed to any of this!"

"C'mon, Double D!" the young man sitting next to him nudged him. "You fit the character perfectly!"

"Yeah, dude!" a blonde, extremely pretty girl turned in her seat to look at him with a dazzling smile. Edd felt himself melt when Nazz smiled at him like that. He'd harbored a secret crush on her for years, and sometimes got a strange vibe from her, almost like she was flirting with him. A crazy thought, he knew, since she was dating Kevin, the stereotypical school jock, but hey. He could dream, couldn't he? Apparently not, if the painful jab from Marie's boot to his back and increased aggression in the chewing of her gum was any indication.

"You're the smartest guy in the classroom, and are constantly looking to get smarter! That's, like, the entire character, right?" Nazz went on, once more flash ing those perfect teeth of hers at him. Everything about her was perfect, Edd mused to himself. By the time his senses came back to him, he realized he'd already said yes, and the rest of the class was currently in the middle of deciding who'd play Mephistopheles. He felt his heart sink.

_"Oh, Eddward,"_ he thought sorrowfully. _"What did you get yourself into this time?"_Behind him, Marie's eyes narrowed dangerously, and her bubblegum popped as she bit into it.

Half an hour later, the class filed out of the classroom, with Marie in a fouler mood than usual. She didn't even flirt audaciously with Edd, like she usually did, and she actually slammed somebody who was in her way into a locker, leaving a Johnny-shaped dent in it and making Edd wince. He could understand why she was angry, but couldn't really sympathize with her. After all, she was only mad that Nazz had gotten picked over her for Helena, Faust's love interest in their play. Of course, that meant simply that Double D had been spared having to give her a kiss on-stage, a kiss that would undoubtedly have turned into a one-way make out session in front of everybody. Besides, now he got to kiss Nazz, at… he flipped quickly through the script… Act two, scene four. Edd was ecstatic at the thought. His childhood crush, kissing him!

Grinning widely, the gap between his teeth on display for all to see, Edd all but skipped to the cafeteria.

* * *

"C'mon, Sockhead!" Eddy complained, snapping his fingers in front of the smart Ed's face. "You're not even paying attention, man!" Edd shook his head.

"My sincerest apologies, Eddy… I simply am rather happy about a situation that arose recently in Literature class!"

"Oh, man. What is it THIS time, egghead?" Eddy rolled his eyes, eliciting a frown from his friend.

"Well, Eddy, I'll have you know that 'this time', I got chosen to be the protagonist in the school play! It's a very prestigious position, and-"

"You're gonna be in the play? Lame. That thing's for babies and dweebs," Eddy complained, poking into the contents of his plate with his fork. "I swear this thing's BREATHING…" he muttered in disgust.

"You gonna eat that, Eddy?" Ed asked, pointing at the slightly heaving 'sandwich'.

"Knock yourself out, lumpy," Eddy answered, pushing the plate towards his voracious, unhygienic friend. His eyes widened when Ed descended on the meal with unrivaled savagery.

"… I think I saw something like this on the Animal Planet once," he mentioned to Edd, who had wrinkled his nose at this less intelligent friend's unrelenting hunger.

"Yes, well, as I was saying…" Edd coughed into his hand and held out the script to Eddy, who took it with a bored expression on his face.

"Faust? Ain't that the dude who sold his soul to Old Scratch? For books or chicks or some shit like that?" he asked, vaguely remembering the exam he'd copied a few months before. Who said you didn't learn anything in school?

"There are several versions floating around, Eddy. But I would rather like to direct your attention to page 23, if you will," Edd suggested, stippling his fingers in front of him and hiding an uncharacteristic and (in his eyes, at least) unsightly smirk. Eddy raised an eyebrow and did as his sock-headed friend suggested.

"Alright, so you get to make out with whoever's playing this Helena chick. What, you so desperate for some tail you'll kiss any actress wannabe?" Eddy asked, grinning. To his surprise, Edd didn't splutter or blush as he usually did at comments like this. In fact, his grin was even wider than Eddy's.

"Well, my good sir, I feel like I must inform you that the girl playing Helena is, in fact, our beloved cheerleader, Nazz." For once in his life, Edd felt like laughing out loud at the expression on Eddy's face. It was a strange breed of disbelief, shock, and suspicion.

"Nazz is playing Helena?"

"Yep."

"And you're playing Faust?"

"That is correct, yes."

"Then that means that you…"

"Indeed."

"And her…"

"I believe we already established what will happen during Act Two, scene four, Eddy."

Eddy was silent for a moment, before bursting out into a grin and catching Edd in a headlock.

"Sockhead, you sly dog!" he laughed, giving his friend a noogie. "You totally got into it after she did just to kiss her, dint'cha?"

"Why, I never!" Edd responded in mock indignation.

As the two continued to laugh and bicker playfully, with Eddy postulating increasingly more ridiculous theories about why Edd would join the school play, and eventually even came up with a scam revolving around this, neither considered a very real hazard that had been created during Literature class for the lovable little genius.

* * *

A few hours later, in the abandoned gym, the actors started practicing their lines. Being the first day of this, it was merely a senseless cacophony of voices yelping out their lines. Johnny tried his best to get Wagner's lines right while arguing with Plank about whether his delivery was the correct one. Rolf tried his hardest to correctly deliver Mephistopheles's chilling dialogue without veering off course, but somehow his speech dismissing Faust's worries invariably ended up as a dissertation on the qualities of onions over turnips.

"Rolf does not understand why this horn-headed goat-man doesn't refer to the Great Onion War of '67 to validate his point!" he cried, slapping the script with the back of his hand. Edd did his best to ignore him as he memorized his own lines. It was, of course, a dumbed-down version of the original text, with many pop culture references thrown in. A complete butchery, in Edd's opinion.

Eventually, Rolf's rambling became too much for him to handle, and he moved discreetly to the benches on the far side of the gym. He would've taken the ones closer by, but… well, a very sullen Marie had apparently decided to crash the party, so to speak. She was currently sitting quietly at the bench, listening to something on her headphones, and glaring murderously at Nazz as the blonde practiced her acting. If looks could kill, the cheerleader would currently be splattered all over the wall, Edd thought.

"Surely she wouldn't try to jump me in front of these many people, right?" he murmured, looking back down at his script. "What am I saying, of course she would… so why isn't she?" He glanced back up. She was plotting something, he was certain of it. He reluctantly looked back down at his text, expecting a smooch attack that never came. Instead, he became engrossed in the subpar text, and soon came across his first major obstacle. He didn't understand his motivation.

"Really," he muttered crossly, "why would someone hand over something as valuable as their soul and integrity over something that could be achieved through hard work at his library or laboratory!" He spent several more minutes trying to figure out Faust's reasoning, wracking his brain for a situation in which he would gladly have bartered with an obviously evil figure in exchange for knowledge or protection. While several close shaves with the Kankers came to mind immediately, none of them would really have justified selling his soul.

"Hey, Double D. How you holding up?" Edd snapped out of his thoughts and whipped around, his long hair cracking like a whip neatly across the newcomer's face.

After the boy regained consciousness and Edd had stopped apologizing, he finally got on to talking.

"So… You gonna kiss Nazz, huh?" he said, elbowing Edd's ribs and grinning widely. Edd turned bright red and coughed into his hand.

"Yes, well… I do this for the art, because-"

"For the art, my balls. You just wanna get lucky with Blondie over there, am I right?" Edd frowned at the crassness of his colleague.

"Why, I never!" he said indignantly. The other kid just lifted his hands defensively.

"Just joking, man. Seriously, though? Watch your back. I heard Kevin at lunch say he's gonna pound your face in." Edd started to answer, and then went very pale as his brain registered what had been said.

"E-Excuse me?" he asked, suddenly very, very frightened for himself and hoping he'd misheard.

"Kevin, man. He was looking all over for you, yelling about how the only guy that makes out with his girl is him. He was even saying he was gonna baptize his iron knuckles with your blood."

"Oh, dear…"

"Yeah, dude." The two sat in solemn silence for a couple of minutes. Then the other guy brightened up, patted Edd on the shoulder happily, and walked away as if he hadn't just told someone else of their impending funeral. Edd, on the other hand, could not stop thinking panicky, bloodcurdling thoughts. What would Kevin do to him?! Edd knew how he got about Nazz. The man was paranoid and overprotective! He got into fights over the smallest mean look at her! What would he DO to a guy who planned on kissing her?!

"Oh, how I rue the moment I said yes to this foolish venture!" he cried out loud, but nobody seemed to hear him. "Now what will I do to save my miserable hide?!"

His mind raced with possibilities. The first thing that came to his mind was running.

_"No, that won't work. I wouldn't know where to hide. Besides, Kevin would probably track me down in that infernal bicycle of his…"_

The second option was fighting back, which he immediately discarded. He wasn't the weakling he used to be, but Kevin was still a fair bit stronger than he could ever hope to be, and undoubtedly had more fights under his belt than Edd.

The third option was getting somebody to protect him. Hire an even bigger jock, perhaps.

_"No, no… Kevin has repeatedly demonstrated he doesn't fear many things. As a matter of fact, the only things I've seen him afraid of are Eddy's brother and-"_ his eyes widened. No. No, no, no. Not happening. _"- the Kankers."_He groaned, loudly. They were his best shot- no, they were his ONLY shot- at walking away from this unscathed, but he was still understandably wary of dealing with them. To do so would mean he'd be giving up his integrity, his values, his very beliefs! All for the sake of protection, which he could attain through hard work at the gym?!

… There was no contest, really.

_"Well, at least I'm over one obstacle…"_ he thought as he took a deep breath and headed for Marie, feeling like he walked straight to his funeral._ "At least now I can understand Faust's motivation."_

-X-X-X-X-X-X

A/N: Whoo! Had this idea in my head for quite a of the important parts are written out in my head, but a few holes are still around here and there, so please bear with me if updates get a little slow. Reviews are ALWAYS appreciated, and please, feel free to critique! I wanna get better, so you guys can enjoy this, and at this point any criticism is good criticism. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews! Haven't been this pumped about a story in a while! ... Haven't been this pumped in a while, period... It's exam week soon, though, so updates might get a little slow in a bit. Just bear with me there. Anyway, here's part two. I tried my best to stay absolutely in character, but with this kind of writing, one's bound to get a few things wrong. DO let me know if you spot any glaring mistakes so I can correct them.  
Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 2:

"Stab her... Break her pretty little neck... Poison her... Shoot her... Boil her... Skin her alive..." Marie Kanker grumbled under her breath as she stared at Nazz. She was currently in the middle of imagining various ways of killing the girl, each more painful than the last.

"Thinks she's so pretty, she does…" she hissed. Inside her jacket's pockets, her hands clenched until their knuckles turned white. "Little tramp thinks she can get away with making goo-goo eyes at MY Oven-mitt… I'll show her what's what one of these days…"

"Um… E-Excuse me, Marie?"

"Can't you see I'm BUSY, you stinking piece of-! Oh, hiiiiii, Dreamboat!" her voice changed from a snarl that would make one of Ed's mutants wet itself into a sweet, almost seductive tone in a matter of milliseconds once she saw who was talking to her. Her frown turned into the half-lidded "smolder" that she saw all those porn stars use in their pictures. Lee said men went wild for that shit.

Edd fidgeted from foot to foot, glancing around nervously. A few of the other actors glanced his way curiously, but went back to barking out their lines quickly. Edd gulped, far more nervous than he remembered being in a long while, and with no small amount of courage, took a few more tentative steps towards Marie, until he was standing directly in front of her.

"I, uh… kind of w-wanted to ask you-"

"On a date? Sure thing, Pumpkin. You can pick me up at 8 tonight," she interrupted him, a cattish grin on her face.

"N-No, well, not exactly. I-It's more of a… C-Could you please stop rubbing my knee like that?"

"Why? You know you like it." Marie couldn't help but snicker once he began to splutter. It was adorable, the way he lost control of his tongue around her. As much as she wanted to keep on tormenting him, however, it was pretty strange that he came to her like that. Maybe what he had to say was actually important, she thought, and let go of his knee, much to Edd's relief.

"Y-Yes, well… ahem! A-As you may well know, there is a brief k-k-k-kiss scene in the play currently being practiced, and-"

"You want me to help you practice, Pumpkin?"

"N-No, that's not it!" Edd's eyes went wide, and he began taking tentative steps backwards. Marie grinned hungrily. If he ran, she'd chase him down. It was her favorite sport, after all.

"So what IS it, Oven-mitt?" she smiled at him and batted her eyelashes. On any other girl, he would've found it coquettish, even cute. On Marie Kanker, it struck fear into Edd's heart. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and let it all out.

"Kevin wants to make some rather drastic rearrangements to my facial bone structure with the aid of metallic implements, I need someone to keep him from performing said rearrangements, and you are one of four people capable of instilling wariness and precaution into his behavioral patterns!" A brief moment of silence followed his outburst.

"… God, you're just so hot when you start talking in gibberish like that."

Edd sighed dejectedly.

"Kevin wants to break my face, and you scare him, Marie."

Marie thought quietly for a few seconds, and her eyes went back to observing Nazz. It didn't take a Double D to figure out why Kevin wanted to smash him into a pulp.

"Big bad jock scared he's losing his girl?" she sneered, and mentally kicked herself for even CONSIDERING the idea. She'd rather smell Ed's feet than let that blonde tramp even think about sucking face with her man.

"W-Well, he apparently believes that the play's scene will be of bigger impact with her than it actually-"

"Spare me the details, babe. I don't understand any of that psych mumbo-jumbo. Aside from the reverse kind, that is," she added, grinning at the memory. The three Kankers and the three Eds, locked in a single room… those were the good times.

"S-S-So, will you help me?" Edd actually tried to smile at her, a puny, grimacing attempt at one. Marie had to suppress the urge to squee at the sight of it.

"I don't know. What's in it for me, I wonder?" she asked, grinning. Edd paused. He had not thought this far ahead, and the thought of her exacting payment was... not entirely pleasant.

"I, uh… I have some money left over from the summer. Maybe I could-"

"Hon, if I wanted your money, I would have it already," Marie pointed out. Fair point. She wasn't exactly well-known for asking to borrow things politely.

"… Jawbreakers?"

"I don't go for that sweet crap."

"Maybe I can give you-"

"Honey muffin, I'm gonna be honest with ya. Nothing you have interests me. Books and bugs are more your style. Besides, when you think about it, that wouldn't be exactly good for me. Scaring some guy so that his girlfriend can put the moves on my man? I'd have to be insane or REALLY well paid to do that," she said offhandedly, almost like she didn't want to admit it. But inwardly, she danced for joy when she saw the panicked expression return to Edd's face. He was right where she wanted him; trapped and with no way out. They didn't call her the crafty Kanker for nothing.

"Please, Marie! I'm begging here!"

"Oh, I don't know… " Marie pretended to hesitate and think, tapping her lips with her finger. She WAS thinking, but not about what Edd believed. She was plotting. "Alright, alright! I'll think about it, Cupcake… Now come here and give me some sugar!" she said, leaping to her feet and grasping his wrists. His eyes widened in terror. The few classmates who'd been looking at the two turned away, shaking their heads in sorrow.

"No! You wouldn't dare! Not here!"

She dared.

* * *

Edd walked out of the gym almost twenty minutes later, exhausted and with lipstick on his face and neck. He was, to say the least, irritated. Not only had his peers abandoned him in his time of need, but he hadn't even gotten an answer out of Marie. She'd simply grinned ferociously at him after she was done kissing him into submission and suggested that maybe a good beating would teach him NOT to cheat on her.

She'd mentioned she'd let him know next day at school, but Edd was nervous. What if she said no? He didn't want his brains splattered all over the football field!

"S'not like I'm gonna MAKE OUT with Nazz or anything," he muttered, as if he was trying to convince himself. "It's just a quick, chaste kiss." Still, the idea of making out with her was… rather pleasant, to say the least.

His teenage mind immediately went to work basing itself off of that, imagining him and her after the play was done, after the audience had showered them with applause. She'd take his hand and lead him backstage. She'd put his hands on his shoulders and stand on her toes to reach up to him. He'd put his hands on her waist and pull her closer. She'd giggle and lean in, their lips barely an inch away, and then, with barely a move and a slight grind of her hips against his, they would-

"Yo, sockhead!" Edd looked up, his mind snapping out of that perfect fantasy, his brow furrowed slightly in annoyance at his friend's interruption of it. Eddy walked up to him, his schoolbag slung over his shoulder. "How'd practice go?" He suddenly stopped and looked Edd up and down, taking notice of the lipstick on his mouth and neck.

"Kanker?"

"Kanker."

"Sucks. She followed you, huh?" Eddy asked, and Edd nodded. "Well, the crazy woman aside, how'd it go?"

Edd thought for a moment. He briefly considered telling Eddy all about his current situation, but eventually decided against it. Eddy would only try to get in a fight with Kevin, and nobody would come out of THAT happy.

"Well," he said hesitantly, "at least I understand my character's reasoning!" Eddy rolled his eyes.

"Not THAT, Shakespeare. You know what I mean!" He grinned widely. "You get close to Nazz today?"

"Oh, dear me, no. It seems a bit early for that at this point, don't you agree?"

"Whatever, man. You gotta practice that kiss with her sometime, right?"

"I suppose so, yes… Perhaps once my classmates and I manage to get our acts down would be best," Edd suggested, making Eddy sigh with frustration.

"Double D, you've GOTTA stop being such a gaywad about this," he said, clapping his friend on the arm. "Now c'mon. Ed got his hands on some old horror movies, and you're not bailing out on me again with that lame-ass "project" excuse again."

"That was due today, Eddy."

"… Well, shit."

* * *

Marie Kanker walked away coolly from the gym, her hands in her warm jacket pockets, her messenger bag dangling below her hip, her blue eyes looking upward as if in deep thought. But the second she got on the road to the trailer park, that thoughtful expression vanished, replaced by a wild, happy grin, and she broke into a sprint, heading straight for home.

The most common assumption would be that she was simply so ecstatic because she was currently of supreme importance to her sockhead. The reality is her thoughts were of a darker, nastier caliber. The main concern, of course, was figuring out how to turn this to her advantage even more. At that moment, she held Double D in the palm of her hand. He'd begged her to help him. Begged!

_"I should have made him get on his knees,"_ Marie thought, filing the idea away for later. Truth was, she already had a very rough idea of how to proceed with this. She'd gotten it from Literature class, actually, when she'd flipped through her badly mangled book in an attempt to find out whether Double D got a kissing scene in the play. If Marie had paid attention to the class lesson on irony, she would have appreciated the situation all that much more.

After what seemed like an eternity to her, but couldn't have been more than ten minutes, she reached the trailer. She flung open the door, tossed her bag at the couch without a care, and rushed up the stairs to the shared room of the Kanker sisters. Both of her sisters were there, Lee filing her nails with a hacksaw they'd stolen from Rolf's toolshed, and May trying to get her homework done for once, with little success.

"Hey, Marie! Nice of you to get your fat ass over here!" was Lee's greeting. "We was starting to think you'd gotten lost in them woods!"

"Yeah! Guess we got too hopeful, huh, Lee?" May snorted. Her lisp wasn't quite as pronounced as it had been in earlier years, but her "S" was still on the heavy side.

"Shut it, May!" was Marie's answer.

"Nuh uh! YOU shut it!"

"Both of you shut yer traps!" Lee roared. After a brief silence she went on. "Now, whose turn is it to make dinner?"

"May, duh! I made the noodles yesterday!" Marie jumped in. It wasn't ENTIRELY true (alright, it was a complete lie), but she couldn't risk losing her train of thought. May opened her mouth to protest, but Lee beat her to it.

"Get movin', Blondie!" she ordered. With a last sullen glare at Marie, May stomped out of the room and down the stairs to get working. There was a brief silence in the room.

"So didja get her?" Lee asked after a bit. Marie grinned shrewdly.

"Nah, the little hussy got away while I was distracted. But I got to have some nice intimate time with my hunk," she said.

"Ah, you'll get 'er next time!" Lee said, standing up. "I'mma see what's on the TV. You come down to clean up after dinner, y'hear?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say." Marie waited a grand total of five seconds after Lee left the room to get working on her little "pet project". She ran to the desk, blew a thick layer of dust off of it, and got a few pieces of yellowing, slightly torn paper from it. She unzipped her jacket, tossed it to the bed, and sat down to write.

A half hour later, the floor around her was littered with balled up pieces of paper, a used up pen, and quite a few pencil shavings. She'd already gone through several rough drafts of what she wanted to do. Something that would, without a doubt, get her what she wanted. But she had to be very careful. She might be the craftiest Kanker, but Double D was the smartest Ed. If anyone around could find a way to wiggle loose of her plan, it was him.

"Yo, Marie! Dinner's ready!" Lee's voice came up from the den, surprising her and making her draw a large, slashing line of ink across her text. She fumed for a moment before standing up and heading to the door.

"Not hungry!" she called down, opening it just wide enough to poke her head through.

"What? Get down here and eat, sis!"

"I'm busy!"

"I said come down!"

"Stick a sock in it, Lee!" Marie yelled, slamming the door. She looked at it for a moment, then locked it as an afterthought. She stretched for a moment, then went back to the desk. Now, where was she? Oh, right!

Marie mumbled as she wrote, her tongue's tip sticking out between her teeth and her hand a blur as she did. This was a piece of art, she knew... There was no way she could fail!

After a few minutes, she was nearly done. She picked up the paper and read through it, looking to find any inconsistencies or mistakes that could send her plans tumbling down. She found none, and grinned widely. Right as she started to copy it on a second page, she heard the doorknob turn and click. She didn't even look around even when the sound of banging and Lee's gravelly voice reached her ears.

"Marie! Open the door now!"

"I'm BUSY!" she yelled back, still writing.

"What're you so busy with?! Open the door!" Lee snarled. Marie snarled right back, adding the finishing touches to her tools. Slamming the pen down onto the desk, she stormed over to the door and unlocked it.

"There! Geez, Lee! You on your period or something?" she asked huffily as she went back to the desk and lightly touched the yellowing paper. Good. It was dry now. Lee stormed in, a scowl on her face. She opened her mouth to yell at Marie some more, maybe bait her into having a good old-fashioned sisterly fight, but stopped when she saw the odd, almost sinister expression on her sister's face as she stroked the two sheets of paper.

"What's that you got there?"

"Oh, Lee," Marie snickered in response, fixing her sister with a happy, half-lidded blue eye. "It's just my new plan for Ed-catching…"

* * *

A/N: Woo-hoo! So what'd you guys think? Is it getting better? Getting worse? Did I stay in character? Please review! Reviews make me happy in my tummy.

Gravy.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Alright, next chapter's up. This one gave me a fair bit of trouble, especially the bit near the end. I've been thinking, too. The story's secondary character is Marie now, mostly because we'll be seeing a LOT more of her than of Nazz. As always, I still don't own EEnE, which belongs to Danny Antonucci. Enjoy, and don't forget to R&R!

* * *

Chapter 3

The next morning, the first noise to come out of the Kanker trailer was a panicking scream. Lee and May sat up bolt outright as Marie turned the room upside-down in her pajamas, frantically searching for something.

"Where is it?! WHERE IS IT?!" she asked out loud, throwing a pair of May's shoes out the window in her frenzy.

"Hey! Those are mine!" May cried, and she jumped up, ready to slug her sister.

"CAN IT, MAY!" Marie roared with enough lung force to blow the blonde's hair back and frizz it up. May blinked, dazed, and returned to bed without a word as Marie kept tearing a strip of destruction through their shared room. Lee pursed her lips and sat back to watch as the middle Kanker drove herself insane in her search.

"Yo, Marie!" the bluenette turned at the sound of her name, her visible eye crazed and her mouth foaming. "Check your bag!" Marie paused. The foam dribbled down her chin a little, and she slowly turned to look at her schoolbag, sitting pristine and untouched in the middle of what looked like the aftermath of a hurricane. With slow, jerking movements, she lifted the top of it, revealing two neatly folded pieces of paper inside it.

"THERE they are!" the relief in Marie's voice was palpable. She was honestly worried she'd lost them for a minute there. She was so sure she'd left them on the writing desk… must've put them in the bag before bed last night. She was suddenly aware of the four eyes currently piercing through the back of her head.

"That's it?!" May exclaimed. "That's what you tore up my room for?!"

"Shut it, May. This is MY room," Lee replied. She turned to Marie. "Go make us breakfast!" she ordered. Marie growled.

"Go make it yourself, lardass!" Next thing she knew, Lee had thrown her bodily into the kitchen.

"I want eggs! Sunny side up!" Marie got up with a grumble and got to cooking. As she did, she couldn't help but think about the day that awaited her, and a grin spread across her face. A grin that would have made Edd piss his pants.

By the time breakfast was done, both her sisters were dressed and ready. May blew a raspberry at Marie. Marie let May's eggs burn a little in response, then flipped them directly at her. May stared at her, shocked. Marie grinned back at her… right up until she was pelted in the face by bacon.

The rest of the details aren't important. The point is, the Kankers got into one of their traditional food battle royales, until May and Lee's strategic alliance forced Marie to retreat into her room and get ready for the day. With a stretch and a sigh, she shrugged out of her striped mid-thigh shorts and her nightshirt, a green tee that hung over one shoulder, and into her normal clothes. Baggy green pants, a black tank top, and her oversized brown jacket. She checked herself quickly in the mirror and applied the final touches, makeup, fluffed up her hair a bit, unzipped the jacket so it hung below her shoulders.

Marie took a couple steps back and checked herself out in the mirror. A curving grin spread over her lips. Aw, yeah. She was ready to rock Edd's world.

She jumped down the stairs two at a time, and made a beeline for the door. Much as she loved her sisters, she did not want to talk to them at the moment. She needed to be alone. She always plotted better when she was alone. Once outside, she set out to get to school early for once.

To say Marie was ecstatic would be an understatement. She'd thought up a plot that had a rather decent chance of winning her oven mitt. He would be hers and hers alone. No blonde bimbo would get their claws on HER man.

_"Slow down, bitch,"_ she thought, putting a stop to her mental rejoicing. _"You're halfway there, but the home stretch is still in the works."_ It was true. Everything was set and ready to spring on her oven mitt. But if she messed up here, he'd get on the defensive. She had to play it cool. Work some of that psychology stuff on him. Get him to agree to her terms. And for that, she'd need help from a very specific source.

"But," she thought as she saw the school building ahead, "that can wait til later."

* * *

Edd's morning was less pleasant than Marie's. For starters, he didn't hear his alarm go off, and slept in until Ed came to get him.

"Hiya, Double D!" was the lovable oaf's enthusiastic greeting, his head poking through the floor of Edd's bedroom. "You're being a sleepyhead today?" His response was a very groggy Edd blinking and stretching.

"Huh? Ed, why are you-?" Edd glanced at his alarm clock and felt his heartbeat accelerate in panic. He was late! Very, very late!

"Yo, Sockhead!" Eddy's voice came from downstairs, somewhere around his kitchen. "We're waitin' on ya!"

"Coming, Eddy!" Edd answered, already rushing to put on his clothes for that day. White shirt, pants, tie, green ski hat. Moving quickly, he made his bed, lamenting he didn't have time to iron it properly. He'd just have to do it when he got back from school that afternoon. He yanked Ed up through his floor, his arms straining from the considerable mass his friend possessed. Then he ran to his stair-levator.

"Gee, Double D!" Ed said as they descended and the "stairs" peeled away to give them passage. "I didn't know you slept in! Usually you wake ME up!"

"I'm sorry, Ed," Edd said remorsefully as they made their way to the kitchen. "I don't know what's with me this morning!"

"It's okay, buddy! It's not like you're being controlled by the slime creatures from Zorbon 7! A haw haw!" Ed laughed loudly as they entered the kitchen. Suddenly he stopped and looked at Edd seriously. "You're not, right?"

Edd had to smile. For all the growing up he'd done, his large friend was still as wonderfully goofy and prone to nonsense as always. "Some things never change, I suppose..." he thought, not entirely displeased by the idea. After all, he was doing pretty well for himself these days. He had two friends who were amazing (most of the time), he did well in school, he had a promising future ahead of him, he was going to kiss Nazz, he was going to get his face pounded in by Kevin...

Oh. Right.

Edd's face fell a little. There was still THAT situation to deal with. "I hope I can find a way to surpass this obstacle soon," he thought, ignoring Eddy's excited monologue about his new moneymaking scheme. "For the sake of my general health."

"Hey, Shakespeare! You listening here?" Eddy's voice snapped Edd out of his daze. "I'm trying to make us rich over here, and you're off in tra-la-la land!"

"I'm always in tra-la-la land, Eddy!" Ed said, his dopey smile never faltering. Edd sighed.

"Well, some things never change, after all," he thought.

* * *

Nazz was probably the only person with something resembling a normal morning. She woke up as she always did, stretched as she always did, made her bed like she always did. She did her morning exercises like she always did, took a shower afterwards like she always did, and ate her breakfast like she always did.

But unlike normal days, when the blonde would be chipper and ready to spend the day at its fullest, today she chewed slowly, a single thought in her head. Double D.

She worried about him, honestly. He was such a nice guy, always willing to lend a helping hand or a kind word, but also so shy, so easily led around. She'd never spoken up back in their elementary school days, but she'd never approved of many things that had gone on back then with him. From the way Eddy seemed to exploit his talents, to the way he usually wound up paying the price for his two friends' antics. That had never been cool.

Nazz always thought the boy just needed a little more confidence. He was always wary of new things, of adventures, but he was plenty brave when someone had to be. He had been the only one to stand up to Eddy's brother, and had volunteered to face down the wrathful Edzilla when even Rolf was too frightened to do anything. He just needed a little push to become that brave man more often, and Nazz thought she was the girl to give him that push.

Alright, so maybe she had a little crush on him. So what? It wasn't like she and Kevin were actually going out, and it wasn't like Double D had a girlfriend.

So she'd approached the teacher before class and suggested Double D as the protagonist for the play. The teacher had agreed it was a great idea, especially since the young man could use the extra credit. At first Nazz thought that would have been the end of that, but she saw how he'd reacted. He'd panicked! Tried to turn down the role! Nazz couldn't let him. She had managed to convince him to take the role by applying a little bit of her charm.

At that moment, she already planned on volunteering for Helena at that point, deciding to keep him calm through the play. She'd been honestly surprised when Marie Kanker had tried to land that same role. Nazz honestly felt sorry for the girl when nobody voted for her to have the role. The look of defeat and anger on her face had spoken volumes about what she was thinking then, and Nazz could almost believe she genuinely wanted to be in the play with Double D.

Almost.

Marie wasn't good for Double D. Nazz knew this in her guts. She was loud, abrasive, selfish... She was the young genius's exact opposite! She didn't put any effort into school, and she relished pushing other kids around like it wasn't anybody's business. She tortured Double D in full view of everybody, for crying out loud! Just like she'd done yesterday, during the play rehearsal.

_"Trailer trash,"_ the hateful term came unbidden to her mind, and Nazz clapped her hands over her mouth and blushed bright red, embarrassed at herself.

"SO not cool," she muttered angrily. She didn't like the Kankers, but that was still a horrible thing to think. She genuinely hated Kevin and Jimmy and Sarah when they said it.

Nazz finally got done with her scrambled eggs (had she really been sitting at the table for 20 minutes straight? So weird...) and decided she still had time for a quick jog before school started. She went upstairs, changed into her running clothes, and tied her blonde hair back into a ponytail.

She left her house and locked it, relishing the blast of cool, crisp autumn air outside her house. Perfect to cool down a little bit. The blonde started running, expecting to be completely alone, but she was surprised to see some people start moving. Rolf was an obvious constant, he always got up early to tend to his animals and... talk to his turnips or whatever weird tradition he fulfilled on Wednesdays.

What surprised Nazz was the blue-haired girl walking calmly in front of her. Nazz hesitated and jogged in place for a moment. She REALLY didn't want to talk to a Kanker right now. Especially Marie. She was still angry at the trailer girl ("That term again! What the HELL is wrong with me today?!") for the stunt she'd pulled the day before. Not only for breaking the harmony in the gym, but especially for distressing Double D more than he already was!

It seemed Nazz wouldn't get a say in the matter, though, since Marie heard the soft pitter-patter of the blonde's sneakers on the concrete, and turned to face her, a grin slowly spreading over her face.

* * *

Well, Marie couldn't say she'd expected this stroke of luck. Here she was, thinking about how to make her plan move forward, and life just so happened to deliver the enemy to her lap. She could just as easily skip the whole thing and just pound the little ditz then and there.

"Well, lookie who it is," she purred softly, dangerously. "Little miss homewrecker herself!" She stopped walking and turned around fully. Nazz stepped back.

"Good morning, Marie..." Nazz greeted warily. She expected the young delinquent to spring at her any second now. Marie snickered, that irritating, lilting laugh of hers. Nazz could never stand it.

Marie herself was thinking about how she couldn't stand Nazz either. It would be so easy to stuff her into a trashcan right now... There was a dumpster half a block away, it wouldn't take her even ten minutes to place the happy little cheerleader inside.

_"The plan, Marie,"_ she reminded herself. _"Remember, play it cool."_

"Well, Blondie," she said calmly, "Normally I'd beat the absolute PISS out of you for what you did yesterday, but I'm in a good mood, so... smell you later." With that, she turned and kept walking to the school. She grinned nastily when she heard Nazz stop jogging in place, probably in surprise at still being in one piece. Her grin only became wider when she heard the cheerleader running at her hurriedly, and she did her best not to cackle when the blonde's concerned face popped up in her field of vision.

"Like, what do you mean, 'what I did', dude?" she asked Marie, anger starting to tint her tone. "You're the one who's constantly harassing Double D!"

"What I do with my boyfriend is really none of your business, don't you think, homewrecker?" Marie snapped back. Nazz went red in the face.

"He's not your boyfriend!" she said loudly. Marie had to suppress a low growl. This little twat was getting on her nerves VERY quickly...

"Listen, twerp. I'm really kind of busy right now. So either you get outta my face, or I MAKE you get outta my face," she said in a very calm tone, shouldering past the other girl, who started fuming.

"Trailer trash," she muttered venomously, then spun on her heel and stormed her way back home. She didn't feel like jogging anymore.

* * *

Inside the school building, Marie slammed her fist against her locker and fought the urge to scream. The little tart had grown a spine, it seemed. Marie took in a deep breath and let it out, like the TV said.

"You're in control, Marie," she reminded herself once more. Still, the very fact that the blonde little idiot had tried to stand up to her meant her job might be the teensiest bit difficult. Marie needed to move fast. She reached into her bag and pulled out the notebook her mom had bought her at the beginning of the term. She opened the brand new, untouched notebook and pulled out her pen. She paused and thought very carefully about what she'd write. Finally, she decided, and quickly jotted it down.

_'Dear Double D,_

_I thought a lot about what you asked me yesterday, but I'd rather tell my love-muffin in person. Come to the boiler room at 9. Alone. _

_Love,' _

Marie thought about signing, but in a touch of artistic inspiration, kissed the end of the note instead, leaving the pink imprint of her lips on her note. She smiled giddily, and had to force herself not to run to the locker belonging to the object of her affections. Once there, she carefully slipped in the folded note, feeling a bit silly about the whole thing.

Marie placed her hands on the back of her head and walked away from Edd's locker, heading back to the boiler room. She had to make it presentable for him, after all...

* * *

A/N: Well? What'd you think? Story still interesting? Characters still in-character? That scene with Nazz and Marie had me tearing my hair out by the clumps. Hope I did alright with it.

Well, hope you enjoy it! And please don't forget to review!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Alright, fellas. Same drill. I don't own Ed, Edd, n Eddy. They are the property of Danny Antonucci and AKA Cartoons.  
On with the show!

* * *

Chapter 4

To say Edd was nervous reaching the school building would be a massive understatement. Usually he was the cheeriest person around, but this morning he kept glancing around himself and rubbing his palms together. He even began muttering to himself, planning possible escape routes should he run into Kevin. The smallest noise made him jump about 5 feet into the air. He was sure he had lost 3 pounds in sweat in the last 15 minutes alone.

In short, he was a wreck.

"Oh, dear, oh, dear…" he kept muttering to himself as he finally reached the stairs. He half expected to see Kevin leaning against the doors, his trademark scowl in place. The other half expected him to be tackled at any second from either side. Really, he simply expected a beating, plain and simple. He shakily reached out for the door's handle, and held it open for a rambling Ed and a grumbling Eddy. On the way to school, he'd helpfully reminded Eddy that they had a history exam today. One for which, of course, Eddy hadn't bothered studying.

"I thought it was on Friday!" he seethed, wishing he could reach out and somehow punch the teacher through time and space. He filed that idea away for a scam later on. 'Ed hitmen'. They'd make a killing.

"Yes, well, Eddy, you should have been studying anyway," Edd answered simply. Eddy glanced at him, surprised. He hadn't nagged him for five minutes straight, as he usually did. In fact, that small scolding had been almost… reasonable.

"Hey, Double D, what's up with you today, man?"

"Whatever do you mean, Eddy?"

"You're not… yourself today. What's wrong, Jim die or something?"

"Nothing's wrong, Eddy! I'm just… occupied with another matter." Eddy didn't buy it. Edd kept glancing around, jumping in the air whenever someone shut their locker… the sight of football jerseys seemed to send him into a frothing panic unusually quickly, too. Eddy sighed. He didn't have time for this.

"Alright. Well, Sockhead, when you've got your head back on your shoulders, let me know," he said, walking off to class, closely followed by Ed.

Edd was left all alone. He bit his lower lip and peered around himself with wide eyes. Sweat started to roll down his forehead. He tapped his fingers together nervously, suddenly acutely aware of just how exposed he was at the moment. And it wasn't even 7:00 yet.

"Hey, Double D!" the scream Edd let out when he heard someone call his name was enough of a screech to crack several windows in the vicinity. Many people started to glare at the flustered young man, who was currently holding both hands over his mouth and apologizing to no one in particular.

"Double D, dude! Wait up!" Edd turned around, relieved that the voice he'd heard hadn't been Kevin's. Said relief was replaced with a mounting sense of dread when he saw Nazz running at him, a dazzling smile on her face, her cheerleader uniform crisp and freshly pressed. "Hey, dude! What's kickin'?"

"N-Nazz! Greetings! I mean, uh," Edd racked his brain for the proper 'hip' term, struggling through a thick pink mist fogging up his thoughts. "What is chilling, guvna?" he attempted lamely. Nazz giggled in response.

"Dude, you're starting to sound like Rolf. C'mon, let's walk for a bit," she invited. Edd could only nod dumbly for a moment.

"C-Certainly! I'd be honored to aid you in reaching your next hallow of academia! Oh, how I do love this building, with its-" Edd began to ramble as he always did, a defense mechanism of his whenever he got nervous. Nazz could only smile at his spazzing, but eventually broke into his long-winded speech to get a word of her own in the conversation.

"Listen, Double D. We rescheduled the play rehearsal to 5:00 today. Think you can make it?" she asked, hoping he'd say yes. Being honest, she knew she didn't just want him to practice his parts. She wanted to be able to spend a little time with the reclusive genius. True, the original time the teacher had suggested had been 3:00, but Nazz had cheerleading practice at that time.

"Yes, I suppose my agenda is free at that moment…" Edd muttered, opening his briefcase and rifling through some files. Nazz was surprised at the sheer amount of material he'd crammed into the container. There was a file on Ed, a file on Eddy, Rolf, Jonny, herself, the Kankers, Sarah, Jimmy, class notes, blank paper, a writing pad, a clipboard… Nazz wasn't sure it was physically possible for all of that to exist in such a closed space.

Eventually, Edd managed to fish out a small day planner, which he thumbed through, mumbling to himself. His finger tracked down the current day of the week, then moved down into the hours section, coming to rest on 5:00 PM. He smiled to himself when he saw the blank entry.

"Why, yes, Nazz! I believe I can make it easily to the play rehearsal!" he announced to her. She smiled at him again, and Edd all but melted at the sight.

"Awesome, dude! Can't wait to see you there," she said. Much to Edd's surprise, she kissed him on the cheek, then hurried off to her class down the hall. Edd just stood in the hall, his face as red as a beet, a dumb smile slowly spreading over his face. He all but waltzed to his locker, to retrieve the books needed for Math class. He was, as they say, walking on air.

Then he opened his locker, and his eyes fell on a white piece of notebook paper, neatly folded on top of his textbook. He blinked in confusion, and picked it up to see what it was. He unfolded it and began to read.

"Oh, dear," he mumbled when he reached the end. His face had lost its red coloration. In fact, it was quite colorless at this point. The letter had succeeded in reminding him of the existence of both Marie and Kevin, a whopping sucker punch to his good mood. Really, it didn't take a genius to figure out who the letter was from. Only one person referred to him as "love-muffin" and used that shade of lipstick on a regular basis.

On the plus side, it seemed like she wanted to discuss the arrangement he'd brought up the day before. On the downside, he'd have to go meet her. Alone. In the boiler room. The Kanker den.

Edd gulped. There was a good chance that this was all just a trick by Marie. After all, she had presented a very valid point the night before. She stood to gain nothing from the "arrangement". As a matter of fact, if she was serious about her attraction to Edd (something he had very serious doubts about, of course), it would be actively detrimental for her.

Still, she was his best shot at this. He took a deep breath and steeled himself. He still had two hours to think about this, right? He glanced at his pocket watch.

"Correct," he confirmed to himself, "one hour and fifty-nine minutes until the clock strikes nine." He began to put the watch back into his coat pocket when he realized exactly what he'd just read.

"GOOD LORD! I'M LATE FOR CLASS!"

* * *

Down in the boiler room, Marie stopped in the middle of setting the mood and tilted her head. She was sure she'd heard someone scream…

She listened for a few more seconds, shrugged, and went back to spreading rose petals over the floor. She wiped some sweat from her forehead. She was working solely by the boiler's light, which she'd turned up until the flames were licking outside the grate. She'd looked for candles, but hadn't found any, so she'd settled for using the metal monster for romantic lighting. Of course, the heat had climbed steadily until she was forced to remove her jacket just to avoid heatstroke, but she knew it'd be worth it later.

She grinned as she thought for a second. Maybe that HAD been his voice she heard just now…

* * *

"Rolf does not understand why this equation will not make sense, Double Dee Ed Boy!" Rolf said to Edd, all but smacking him in the face with his notebook. "Please help this son of a shepherd. You will be rewarded with the strongest of Nana's yams once the season gives its rewards to Rolf, yes?" Edd sighed, but guessed this was alright. He WAS done with his exercises, after all… and one could never be too helpful with his friends' academic improvement!

"Very well, Rolf. Let me see," he answered, holding out his hand. Rolf gleefully put the notebook into his hand and watched expectantly as Edd carefully looked over his work. The hat-wearing Ed moved his lips as he carefully pored over Rolf's equations, surprised at the usually bumbling foreigner's skill for solving algebraic problems.

"Ah-HA!" he finally proclaimed in his usual manner, poking his finger at the culprit on the page and startling Rolf. "Here's the problem; you forgot to shift this X to the other side during step 3, so you were left dealing with X's on both sides, rather than a single one to solve for," he explained, pointing out the offending bit to his friend. The foreigner rubbed his chin thoughtfully, both eyes narrowed as he looked at the equation again. Then his eyes widened and he burst into a gigantic, somewhat terrifying smile.

"Rolf sees now! Thank you, Too Smart for his Hat Ed Boy! You will receive the yams upon the fourth crossing of Rolf's chickens after the yams have matured, yes?" he said, taking back the notebook from Edd and starting over on the equation with renewed fervor. The teacher kept on snoring.

"Oh, Rolf, that's really quite alright, I-" Edd was interrupted by the landing of a strong hand on his bony shoulder. His eyes followed the hand back to its arm, back to its chest, and up to its face. He was immediately covered in a cold sweat.

"We need to talk," Kevin said, his expression unreadable. Edd gulped.

"K-Kevin! Fancy meeting you here, of all places!"

"We've been coming to the same algebra class the whole semester. I copied off you for the exam, remember, dork?" Kevin reminded him, his expression still inscrutable. Edd wasn't sure, but he seriously hoped those weren't flames of rage he saw flickering in the jock's eyes.

"Oh! Of… of course I remember, Kevin! How I helped you out of the bottom of my heart, without expecting anything in return!" Edd brought up, hoping to mitigate Kevin's wrath a little. The redhead only narrowed his eyes a little.

"Meatheaded Kevin boy! Come look at how this son of a shepherd has progressed thanks to the Ed boy's assistance!" Rolf seemed to come to Edd's rescue, but Kevin's eyes never left Edd's sweaty, broadly smiling face.

"In a minute, Rolf," he said, then leaned in close to Edd. "It's VERY important that you and me have our little talk. Am I making myself clear, Double D?" Kevin only ever called him Double D when he was trying to play nice or when he was about to absolutely pound him. And Edd was sure he wasn't trying to play nice right now. He could only nod dumbly.

"B-But I'm a bit busy next period, so maybe we'll have to postpone our enlightening conversation for a later date!" he said suddenly. Kevin scowled.

"You trying to avoid me?"

"N-No, Kevin! Not at all!" _"Good Gracious! Does he have mind-reading powers?!"_

"Good. I will talk to you later, Double D," Kevin straightened up, turning to Rolf. "Alright, Rolf, let's see what you're so excited about, man."

Edd let out a shuddering breath he'd been holding. He was still alive! In one piece! Elation ran through his veins ("Dopamine racing through my circulatory system to celebrate my untracked skull!"), especially when a few seconds later the bell rang. For once, Edd was the first one to leave the classroom, bolting like his life depended on it.

As far as he was concerned, it did. He didn't share this next class with Kevin, but there was no guarantee the taller redhead wouldn't be waiting for him outside the classroom when it ended, or that he wouldn't intercept Edd on his way to the cafeteria for the 9:00 lunch break. His classroom, however, was less than two locker blocks away from the boiler room. He could reach it if he made a run for it after Biology…

Edd gulped. He didn't like putting his life in Marie's hands. But for the second time in as many days, it seemed he didn't have a choice in the matter.

It's a sad thing, the luck of an Ed.

* * *

A/N: This one was a bit shorter than the previous ones. Mostly because exam week is next week and I want to get an early start on studying, so this is the last one I'll be writing for around two weeks. Speaking of which... once I get back, do you think maybe I should time the releases between chapters? Make it more of a periodical thing?  
As always, please make sure to enable my review addiction if you enjoyed, or if you thought something could be improved.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Got this one done in between studying. Much shorter than the previous ones, but there was really not much point to letting this one drag on, and I need to get this one out of my head to study better. Yes, I suck at keeping my "No more chapters until X date" promises; sue me. As always, I do not own Ed Edd n Eddy, so stop asking. Yes, YOU. You know who I'm talking to. For SHAME.

* * *

XXXXXXXXXXXX

* * *

Edd stood in front of the boiler room's door, staring at it and feeling it stare right back at him. He'd ducked out of the class early, using the "bathroom" card once more. To his luck, Kevin hadn't been looking for him. He was thankful for that. He'd walked briskly down the short distance in the hall. And now, here he was. In front of the lions' den.

"Yup," he muttered. "All I gotta do now is knock on it!" He raised his fist, ready to knock, steely determination plastering itself on his face.

Five minutes later, he hadn't moved a single inch, and sweat was rolling down his face like he were stranded in the Gobi desert. Another minute passed. Then another. A small puddle of sweat was forming around him by now.

Then the bell rung, and people rushed out into the hallways, snapping Edd out of his frozen state. It was 9:00 AM, he realized. Time to face the music, one way or the other.

He heard some students wandering near the boiler room. He could feel the curious stares of some of them on the back of his head. They were curious, he knew. Curious as to why the best-behaved student in the school body was standing in front of one of the Kankers' dens. He could already hear the rumors that would be spreading through the student body by day's end.

He took a deep breath, and with all his courage mustered into a single instant, knocked on the door.

* * *

Marie finished her preparations around half an hour before the knock came. She looked around herself, making sure everything was ready. Rose petals on the floor… check. A table with a chair on both sides… check. Romantic lighting, courtesy of the boiler itself… check.

And, of course, her little tool, laying on the desk… check.

Marie checked herself quickly. Jacket was off, so the black tank top showed her curves nicely. Her hair was appropriately wild, and she knew her makeup was on right. All ready. She turned her head to the door atop the stairs and called up sweetly for whoever it was to come in. A devilish grin spread on her lips as she saw the door open. She was so close now…

* * *

Edd opened the door cautiously and was, to say the least, surprised. The hellish red lighting… the sweltering heat… the flickering shadows on the wall… the slight echo caused by the architectural design… the descending staircase…

_"I really am at the gates of Hell,"_he thought. Seeing the grinning young woman at the bottom of the stairs, her finger crooked invitingly and her hips thrust out to her right, only helped to cement his prior notion.

_"She should have applied for the role of Mephistopheles,"_ he thought somewhat incoherently, _"or at least for stage decorator."_Still, his foot thrust out mechanically, and he took his first step into Marie's own little inferno. He closed the door behind him, more out of courtesy and habit than anything else, and was sharp enough to catch the slight widening of the Kanker girl's grin at this. Still, he kept going down, until he stood in front of her, his back straight and stiff, his palms sweaty, and his face in a rictus of wide-eyed terror. Marie cocked her hips further and leaned forward a little.

"Well, Oven Mitt. Looks like you got my note!" she said, raising her hand and stroking the side of his face. Edd's only response was a gulp and continued avoidance of eye contact with her. Marie grinned. He was SO cute when he was terrified. "Well, let's get down to business, then," she went on, turning away from him and sauntering over to the table, a noticeable sway in her hips.

Her every move was calculated to make Edd look at her. And, he hated to admit, it was working. _'Cursed male hormones…'_

"I thought about your proposal, Sweetpea," Marie was saying as she sat down on one of the chairs and gestured to the one in front of her. Edd gulped and cautiously stepped forward. "At first I thought it might be good for you to get the tar beaten out of you, but… Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, beats up on my man but me!" she snarled out the last part, and Edd was just a little too scared to point out that he wasn't, in fact, 'her man'.

"So," Marie went on, a bright smile returning to her face, "I decided I'll do it. I'll keep Jock Boy off your back."

"R-Really?" Edd almost didn't dare to be hopeful. A Kanker, helping him out of the goodness of her heart? The idea was inconceivable!

"Oh, Dreamboat. It ain't gonna be free." Of COURSE it wasn't. It had been too good to be true. Edd grumbled to himself and took his seat in front of Marie.

"Here's my deal," she went on, taking a businesslike tone. "I help keep you protected from Jock Boy until you get to the end of that play with Blondie, and for three days after that. Make sure you're in the clear and all that. But…" Marie's sly little smile returned to her lips. "As soon as that time's over, you have to take me out. One date per day I spent protecting you. Complete with kissing and 'public displays of affection', as you call them. If anyone asks you, I'm your girlfriend." She smiled slyly at him and pushed two papers at him with the tips of her fingers. "There's my terms. You can take it or leave it, 'cuz I ain't budging on any of them."

Edd cautiously picked up the papers and scanned through them. They were exact copies of the same document, he noticed. He took a moment to marvel at the penmanship. Marie must have called in a favor or two for these, he thought… He read through the paper again, and began to frown.

"Something the matter, Cutie-Pie?" Marie asked him innocently, her head perched on top of her steepled hands.

"W-Well… this seems a bit disproportionate… A contract isn't strictly necessary, is it?" he asked, holding the sheets of paper at arm's length, almost like they might morph into venomous snakes at any given time. Marie shrugged.

"You know how it is, Muffin. Don't want you skipping out on our agreement over a technicavity," she explained, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Technicality," Edd corrected in a mumble, purely on auto-pilot as he read through the terms again.

"Whatever," Marie shrugged, clasping her hands behind her head. She leaned back on her chair and studied Edd as he read the contract. He seemed less nervous. Probably because she hadn't actually jumped him yet today.

_"Well,"_ she thought, smirking to herself,_ "there's still time to correct that."_

Edd finally sighed and set the contract down on the table, rubbing the bridge of his nose in frustration. He was obviously having a hard time making his mind up about this. Marie briefly considered pushing him just a little harder, but decided the possibility of him bolting was too much of a risk. Instead, she waited.

Inside Edd's mind, a small battle was being waged. On the one hand, Marie's protection would be invaluable to him for the duration of the play's preparation. He was, by this point, quite convinced that Kevin wanted to "talk" to him. Very loudly, and with his fist making up most of the dialogue. Plus, this meant he could kiss Nazz on the lips, something he'd been wanting to do since he was 12 years old and puberty began setting in.

On the other hand... this would mean Marie would basically be his shadow for most of his day, and he was uncomfortable enough with the Kanker girl sharing a couple of classes with him. Having her tail him for the entire day wasn't a prospect he was too happy with. True, it beat having his teeth knocked out of his skull, but execution by kiss wasn't an excellent ending either. Still... what choice did he have, at this point? He decided to try and bargain a little.

"Alright," Edd finally conceded. Marie's ears perked up. "Alright, I'll take your deal. BUT!" he raised a finger, apparently forgetting who he was talking to for a moment. "No public displays of affection until then, and no more interrupting the play's rehearsal. Okay?" The last part became a meek whisper when he saw how his tormentor was regarding him. Marie thought about it for a moment, pursing her lips.

She HAD been considering stacking the deck in her favor by sabotaging some of the rehearsals, forcing the play to be postponed (hey, nobody ever said she was a fan of playing fair) and giving her more time with her Oven Mitt at the end. Well, she supposed she could find other ways to prolong that. She'd just have to think about it a bit more.

What really bothered her was the "no kissing" rule he wanted. She couldn't just up and promise that! Still… if her reward was going to be -she did a few calculations in her head- around three weeks' worth of it…

She wasn't happy about it, though.

"Fine!" she hissed at him through gritted teeth, and thrust her pen hard at his waiting hand. A little too hard, maybe, since he yelped and brought his hand back, suckling on his fingertip. Marie blinked and saw droplets of blood well up on it when he brought it back out. She felt a small pang of guilt, but didn't say anything. Edd stared at his finger for a moment, then reached into his hat and pulled out a bottle of disinfectant (_"Seriously, how much space IS in there?!"_) and rubbed his finger with a dab of it.

"There we go…" he muttered to himself, assessing the damage. He held his hand out again, and Marie gave him the pen. Edd looked down at the paper. He gulped and slowly, almost painfully, brought the pen down to its surface. Then, finally, he scrawled his signature over the dotted line. He pushed the first document aside and signed the second one, his hand shaking a little. Marie grinned and picked up the first one, looking at his signature carefully. She noted a few streaks of red among the black ink, and remembered she hadn't wiped the pen clean after basically stabbing Edd's finger with it.

"Signing in your own blood? How very traditional, Oven Mitt!" she quipped. Edd shuddered at that for some reason as Marie drew closer to him, her sly smile growing into a full-sized Cheshire grin. "Lucky for you, I love old-fashioned men."

"YES! WELL!" Edd was starting to panic now. The flickering flames… the contract signed (partly, at least) in his own blood… the blue-haired she-devil grinning wickedly at him… He was now almost absolutely positive Kevin had killed him in Math class and he was currently in Hell.

Marie snickered and rolled up the first of the documents, slipping it into her bag. She rolled up the second one and placed it in Edd's palm, making sure to touch it thoroughly with hers. Edd's profuse sweating only increased as he hastily tucked his copy of it away into his bag.

"Well, Oven Mitt," Marie purred, "I guess this means I've got to stick close to you from now on, huh?"

Edd shuddered again. This, he reflected, was going to be a VERY long month…

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A/N: Alright. Done with that. Expect the next chapter sometime next week at the earliest. I also MIGHT start writing a crossover between EEnE and a certain horror story. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. Have a great day!


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